What the??
What "William Shatner movie"?? Surely not to do with ATG? My god, I can imagine the dialogue:
Alexander (Shatner): Mr Parmenio, have the phalanx raise shields and ready sarissas!"
Parmenio (Deforest Kelley): For (the) God's sake Alex! You're not planning to send them in against that you?! Why that's the full Persian battle array man! Think about what you're doin' Alex - you're sendin' 'em to their deaths. Do you want that on your conscience?"
Coenus (Leonard Nimoy:) We have beaten them twice. Indeed, at Issus, we routed them. Logic dictates no worse a result here. Your emotion is clouding your military judgement general.
Alexander: I don't have time for this - I've got the entire Persian Empire arrayed on the other side of the neutral ground! Get to your wing General or I'll find someone ready to take my orders!
Parmenio: For (the) God's sake Alex! I'm a general not a butcher!
Ooo! Doesn't bear the thinking about. Tell me it aint true!
Split thread: William Shatner's "Alexander"
Moderator: pothos moderators
Paralus
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
-
beausefaless
- Hetairos (companion)
- Posts: 669
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:20 am
Sh*tner's Alexander
The very idea fills me with horror, but I must confess I'd love to see it.
ATB
ATB
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beausefaless
- Hetairos (companion)
- Posts: 669
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:20 am
Alex Trek
Paralus, remind me not to have a drink near my lips when reading something like this again! (No, there was no liquid-hitting-computer disaster, but there could have been.)
I'm ashamed to admit I've had Shatner's Alexander thing for a while, and every now and then I haul it out to show to friends who like camp. Just to clarify, it was not a movie, it was a pilot for a TV show, which was never sold, and you can see why. It is so bad, it takes badness to the level of the sublime.
Most of the battle scenes were stock footage borrowed from the Burton movie, so you can't even give it credit for the good horse & artillery shots.
Okay, there was one cool thing in it -- a shot of Shatner, or maybe a stunt double, jumping onto the horse playing Boukephalos (probably the best actor). We didn't get to see Colin Farrell do that.
I'm ashamed to admit I've had Shatner's Alexander thing for a while, and every now and then I haul it out to show to friends who like camp. Just to clarify, it was not a movie, it was a pilot for a TV show, which was never sold, and you can see why. It is so bad, it takes badness to the level of the sublime.
Most of the battle scenes were stock footage borrowed from the Burton movie, so you can't even give it credit for the good horse & artillery shots.
Okay, there was one cool thing in it -- a shot of Shatner, or maybe a stunt double, jumping onto the horse playing Boukephalos (probably the best actor). We didn't get to see Colin Farrell do that.
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beausefaless
- Hetairos (companion)
- Posts: 669
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:20 am
For those who haven't had the opportunity to see the Shatner TV pilot, here's a quite comprehensive review:
http://www.agonybooth.com/alexander/
Sample from the page: 'Then we learn that Shatner's legendary start-and-stop acting style from the '60s was cemented a long time before Star Trek, as all of his dialogue is riddled with random, lengthy pauses. He declares, "If they've slaughtered Cleander like this, I'll... teach them. [long pause] By all the gods, I will [longer pause] bury them!"'
Best regards
http://www.agonybooth.com/alexander/
Sample from the page: 'Then we learn that Shatner's legendary start-and-stop acting style from the '60s was cemented a long time before Star Trek, as all of his dialogue is riddled with random, lengthy pauses. He declares, "If they've slaughtered Cleander like this, I'll... teach them. [long pause] By all the gods, I will [longer pause] bury them!"'
Best regards
Amyntoros
Pothos Lunch Room Monitor
Pothos Lunch Room Monitor
I didn't think this was available, at least not when I discovered it a few years ago. I'd love to see it though, as Shatner is still a charismatic firgure. His Captain Kirk role was a role was a tour de force in how to run a starship and lead men into battle. I wonder if you can get it in the states?wmp wrote:I've had the Shatner Alexander for a couple of weeks now & haven't had time to play it - it sounds almost irresistible. I checked that it played ok, & am still laughing from the opening scene, so will have to set aside time to watch it all... Marcus, if you're ever in South London, let me know!
wmp
Later Nicator
Thus, rain sodden and soaked, under darkness cloaked,
Alexander began, his grand plan, invoked...
The Epic of Alexander
Thus, rain sodden and soaked, under darkness cloaked,
Alexander began, his grand plan, invoked...
The Epic of Alexander
Oh dear Amyntoros! You did it!
I am reminded of that imortal line, foisted on an adoring audience by a famous gun toting, acting, jutting chin. To paraphrase:
"My God! You did it! You stupid bastard(s), you went and didit! You posted the Shatner Alexander and blew my perception of the king all to hell! God...."
You know the rest. American sesnsibilities in this regard are somewhat more "precious" that Australian. Certain words which fail to attatin "swear" status in this country most certainly do in the US.
I am reminded of that imortal line, foisted on an adoring audience by a famous gun toting, acting, jutting chin. To paraphrase:
"My God! You did it! You stupid bastard(s), you went and didit! You posted the Shatner Alexander and blew my perception of the king all to hell! God...."
You know the rest. American sesnsibilities in this regard are somewhat more "precious" that Australian. Certain words which fail to attatin "swear" status in this country most certainly do in the US.
Last edited by Paralus on Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
Paralus
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
-
beausefaless
- Hetairos (companion)
- Posts: 669
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:20 am
To boldy conquer....
Asia: The barbarian frontier.
These are the journeys of the Army of Macedon. Its ten year mission GÇô to seek out and destroy Barbarians; to invade strange new realms. To bloodily conquer where no Greek has conquered before!
Empire Trek
Episode three.
Parmenio (Deforest Kelley): "Alex! A letter! For the Gods' sake man, a letter from the Emperor! (Handing to Alexander..) "What does he say Alex?"
Alexander (Shatner): "He's making an offer.." (Looking languidly asideGǪ)"It's an offer Parmenio, an offer of...(pregnant pause)... peace?" (Wonders - soto voice - to himself) "Why? What is he thinking?"
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, he's offering everything west of the "Euphrates Zone" and ten thousand talents as well man!"
Alexander (Open eyed curiosity to camera): "Why? Why now?" (Firmly, making up his mind) "No, I know what his game isGǪ"
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex! Think man! He's offering you the world this side of the Euphrates zone. My Gods Alex! Were I you I'd take it in an instant!"
Alexander (irritated and dismissive): "Yes General, I believe I would too GÇô were I you GÇô butGǪ(pregnant pause, looking meaningfully to camera)GǪI'm Alexander . Now put us on a course for The "Euphrates Zone" and Babylon. Maximum speed!"
Cut to Gaugamela:
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, you can't seriously be thinking of taking them by daylight can you?"
Coenus (Leonard Nimoy): "What course would you suggest general?"
Parmenio: "Why attack using the cloaking device of darkness of course, you cold blooded tactacian!"
Coenus: "General, the history of Greek night attacks is not replete with stories of success. The odds of an attack GÇô of this size GÇô succeeding under such a cloak are 3428.7 to one. It is logical to assault them in the light of day."
Alexander "No...(pregnant pause), no general. I will not have it saidGǪ(turning to face camera, face hardening)GǪthat I...(pause)...I stole ..this...this victory. I will not use the cloak of darknessGǪ(gradual close-up)GǪ I will confront the Emperor on the ground of his choosing andGǪwill destroy himGǪin the light of day!"
These are the journeys of the Army of Macedon. Its ten year mission GÇô to seek out and destroy Barbarians; to invade strange new realms. To bloodily conquer where no Greek has conquered before!
Empire Trek
Episode three.
Parmenio (Deforest Kelley): "Alex! A letter! For the Gods' sake man, a letter from the Emperor! (Handing to Alexander..) "What does he say Alex?"
Alexander (Shatner): "He's making an offer.." (Looking languidly asideGǪ)"It's an offer Parmenio, an offer of...(pregnant pause)... peace?" (Wonders - soto voice - to himself) "Why? What is he thinking?"
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, he's offering everything west of the "Euphrates Zone" and ten thousand talents as well man!"
Alexander (Open eyed curiosity to camera): "Why? Why now?" (Firmly, making up his mind) "No, I know what his game isGǪ"
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex! Think man! He's offering you the world this side of the Euphrates zone. My Gods Alex! Were I you I'd take it in an instant!"
Alexander (irritated and dismissive): "Yes General, I believe I would too GÇô were I you GÇô butGǪ(pregnant pause, looking meaningfully to camera)GǪI'm Alexander . Now put us on a course for The "Euphrates Zone" and Babylon. Maximum speed!"
Cut to Gaugamela:
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, you can't seriously be thinking of taking them by daylight can you?"
Coenus (Leonard Nimoy): "What course would you suggest general?"
Parmenio: "Why attack using the cloaking device of darkness of course, you cold blooded tactacian!"
Coenus: "General, the history of Greek night attacks is not replete with stories of success. The odds of an attack GÇô of this size GÇô succeeding under such a cloak are 3428.7 to one. It is logical to assault them in the light of day."
Alexander "No...(pregnant pause), no general. I will not have it saidGǪ(turning to face camera, face hardening)GǪthat I...(pause)...I stole ..this...this victory. I will not use the cloak of darknessGǪ(gradual close-up)GǪ I will confront the Emperor on the ground of his choosing andGǪwill destroy himGǪin the light of day!"
Last edited by Paralus on Sun Apr 23, 2006 4:22 am, edited 2 times in total.
Paralus
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
Now You've done it Paralus!
Cut to Gaugamela:
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, you can't seriously be thinking of taking them by daylight can you?"
Coenus (Leonard Nimoy): "What course would you suggest general?"
Parmenio: "Why attack using the cloaking device of darkness of course, you cold blooded tactacian!"
Coenus: "General, the history of Greek night attacks is not replete with stories of success. The odds of an attack GÇô of this size GÇô succeeding under such a cloak are 3428.7 to one. It is logical to assault them in the light of day."
Alexander "No...(pregnant pause), no general. I will not have it saidGǪ(turning to face camera, face hardening)GǪthat I...(pause)...I stole ..this...this victory. I will not use the cloak of darknessGǪ(gradual close-up)GǪ I will confront the Emperor on the ground of his choosing andGǪwill destroy himGǪin the light of day!"
[quote]
Parmenio: "Dammit Coenus!! I'm a general, not a magician!"
Alexander: "Darius...will come...to us"
Philotas: "I've got to take the mains off-line sir...she can't take anymore"
Alexander: "You'll...do no such...thing...not as long...azzzzzI'm...in charge...of this...............................................battle"
Parmenio: "For the Gods' sake Alex, you can't seriously be thinking of taking them by daylight can you?"
Coenus (Leonard Nimoy): "What course would you suggest general?"
Parmenio: "Why attack using the cloaking device of darkness of course, you cold blooded tactacian!"
Coenus: "General, the history of Greek night attacks is not replete with stories of success. The odds of an attack GÇô of this size GÇô succeeding under such a cloak are 3428.7 to one. It is logical to assault them in the light of day."
Alexander "No...(pregnant pause), no general. I will not have it saidGǪ(turning to face camera, face hardening)GǪthat I...(pause)...I stole ..this...this victory. I will not use the cloak of darknessGǪ(gradual close-up)GǪ I will confront the Emperor on the ground of his choosing andGǪwill destroy himGǪin the light of day!"
[quote]
Parmenio: "Dammit Coenus!! I'm a general, not a magician!"
Alexander: "Darius...will come...to us"
Philotas: "I've got to take the mains off-line sir...she can't take anymore"
Alexander: "You'll...do no such...thing...not as long...azzzzzI'm...in charge...of this...............................................battle"
Later Nicator
Thus, rain sodden and soaked, under darkness cloaked,
Alexander began, his grand plan, invoked...
The Epic of Alexander
Thus, rain sodden and soaked, under darkness cloaked,
Alexander began, his grand plan, invoked...
The Epic of Alexander
Empire Trek
Episode fourGǪ
Gaugamela, sounds of battle, camera closes in the Macedonian left wing through billowing dustGǪ.
Parmenio: Sweet Gods almighty man! The barbarians! Why there are thousands of them! They're pourin' into that gap openin' in the phalanx shield wall! It's gotta be stopped before Mazaeus gets to camp base twelve!
(To Meleager): The message man! The message! What in creation did the King say about my message?
Meleager: "General! Ze King said ve must hold the left! Ve must hold until he can spare ze help."
Parmenio: Good Gods Man, did you tell him we're bein' butchered here? Hold he says GÇô hold with what? For the Gods' sake the barbarians are in base camp twelve already. This isn't fightin', it's genocide GÇô do you hear me? Genocide! Hold? For the Gods' sake, I'm a general not Harry Potter!
Cut to the right wing, Alexander looking pensively to his leftGǪ
Alexander: Why? Why has he not attacked? This Persian is an experienced commanderGǪCome on, come onGǪ
Philotas (in Scots brogue):[/url] Sire! Look to ye left there! There be an openin' in his shields!
Alexander: As always Mr. Philotas, you are in the nick of time! All squadrons! Lower xystons, flank speed at the gap.Now Mr Philotas give me everything you've got Now!
Philotas: Aye aye Sire! You'll have it.
Much bloodletting, clashing of arms. The Empire forces begin to crumble and fleeGǪ
Alexander: Clietus! Glaucias! After him! (To camera, intense look) No Darius, not this time. To the last I grapple with theeGǪ.
Philotas: Sire! A message from Parmenio!
Alexander: (irritated) Yes, yes Mr Philotas what is it?
Philotas: Squadrons on the left are barely holding; shields are down in the phalanx and we're taking severe damage in the camp...
Alexander: The spoils belong to the victor! What in the name of the Greek Federation is he talking about? What's our status Mr Philotas. Report!
Philotas: Right wing advancing; Silver Shields holding; centre phalanx shields still up up but taking severe damage; left flank shields down. Sire, the left wing has lost all momentum and is venting vast amounts of blood plasma. I can give it one division of mercenaries but nothin' more. General Parmenio reports he's given' ye all he's got. Sire, the left wing canna take no more, it's gonna goGǪ
Fade to credits as Alexander looks to camera in utter frustration
Episode fourGǪ
Gaugamela, sounds of battle, camera closes in the Macedonian left wing through billowing dustGǪ.
Parmenio: Sweet Gods almighty man! The barbarians! Why there are thousands of them! They're pourin' into that gap openin' in the phalanx shield wall! It's gotta be stopped before Mazaeus gets to camp base twelve!
(To Meleager): The message man! The message! What in creation did the King say about my message?
Meleager: "General! Ze King said ve must hold the left! Ve must hold until he can spare ze help."
Parmenio: Good Gods Man, did you tell him we're bein' butchered here? Hold he says GÇô hold with what? For the Gods' sake the barbarians are in base camp twelve already. This isn't fightin', it's genocide GÇô do you hear me? Genocide! Hold? For the Gods' sake, I'm a general not Harry Potter!
Cut to the right wing, Alexander looking pensively to his leftGǪ
Alexander: Why? Why has he not attacked? This Persian is an experienced commanderGǪCome on, come onGǪ
Philotas (in Scots brogue):[/url] Sire! Look to ye left there! There be an openin' in his shields!
Alexander: As always Mr. Philotas, you are in the nick of time! All squadrons! Lower xystons, flank speed at the gap.Now Mr Philotas give me everything you've got Now!
Philotas: Aye aye Sire! You'll have it.
Much bloodletting, clashing of arms. The Empire forces begin to crumble and fleeGǪ
Alexander: Clietus! Glaucias! After him! (To camera, intense look) No Darius, not this time. To the last I grapple with theeGǪ.
Philotas: Sire! A message from Parmenio!
Alexander: (irritated) Yes, yes Mr Philotas what is it?
Philotas: Squadrons on the left are barely holding; shields are down in the phalanx and we're taking severe damage in the camp...
Alexander: The spoils belong to the victor! What in the name of the Greek Federation is he talking about? What's our status Mr Philotas. Report!
Philotas: Right wing advancing; Silver Shields holding; centre phalanx shields still up up but taking severe damage; left flank shields down. Sire, the left wing has lost all momentum and is venting vast amounts of blood plasma. I can give it one division of mercenaries but nothin' more. General Parmenio reports he's given' ye all he's got. Sire, the left wing canna take no more, it's gonna goGǪ
Fade to credits as Alexander looks to camera in utter frustration
Last edited by Paralus on Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:27 am, edited 19 times in total.
Paralus
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
Ἐπὶ τοὺς πατέρας, ὦ κακαὶ κεφαλαί, τοὺς μετὰ Φιλίππου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὰ ὅλα κατειργασμένους;
Wicked men, you sin against your fathers, who conquered the whole world under Philip and Alexander.
Academia.edu
You guys are going to make me bust a gut!!!
You must have all read the Shatner interview where he says the way he played Alexander informed the way he played Kirk.
Ooooh, it's spooky!
Andrew, I've never seen the Burton movie, I'm going on the authority of a movie-buff friend who saw both. But there was most certainly stock footage; note the review that Amyntoros found at the appropriately-named Agony Booth. No argument that whoever the horsemen were, they were good. (And in fact to be fair to Shatner, he was his own horseman, at least most of the time.)
Karen
Ooooh, it's spooky!
Andrew, I've never seen the Burton movie, I'm going on the authority of a movie-buff friend who saw both. But there was most certainly stock footage; note the review that Amyntoros found at the appropriately-named Agony Booth. No argument that whoever the horsemen were, they were good. (And in fact to be fair to Shatner, he was his own horseman, at least most of the time.)
Karen